The Healthier Alternative to The Onion


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People are now worried that President Trump’s new Space Force could restart Reagan’s Star Wars Program.  “He hates aliens, that’s what it is.  He cannot stand the idea of aliens coming here and wants to harass them with a stop and frisk space station.”, said MSNBC producer Hakuna Matata. Some are worried this could lead to the United States building a Death Star.  “Yeah, really man.  The Military Industrial Complex would love to have a Space Station the Size of a Small Moon.  All that money.  Never any more money for the poor, or the disabled, or historically challenged people who cannot see working cause it conflicts with their culture of living without working.”, said someone on condition of anonymity due to 14 outstanding warrants.  However, Mad Dog Mattis disagrees.  “We have already heard reports that North Korea, China, Japan, Wakanda, Atlantis, and Russia have begun building Death Stars.  When are we going to realize that blowing up the Earth is the only way to ensure peace and prosperity?  We have 5,000 nukes right now and we’ve only used TWO.  JUST TWO!  When are we going to start bombing people and ensure that peace arises?  We can’t wait for comets to hit the Earth!  What are we Dinosaurs?”, said Mad Dog Mattis.  This just goes to prove that most neocons are COMPLETELY INSANE.


Written by Joshua Sinistar

June 30, 2018 at 4:03 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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