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The Healthier Alternative to The Onion

Farmers Warn of Great Vegetable Rebellion

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In a stunning revelation, farmers are warning the public of a possible threat to public safety: The Great Vegetable Rebellion.  Farmers say new outbreaks of salmonella poisoning is not the result of cheap foreign labor, but instead a bioterrorism attack by vegetables themselves.  Unnamed sources are releasing the possibility that vegetables are now retaliating against predation by mankind.  Dr. Smith from Aeolus 14 Umbra, a secret society of concerned citizens, said, “Oh, absolutely.  We have every reason to believe that vegetables are now rising up out of their plant beds and are fighting back against people who eat vegetables.  I myself love vegetables.  They are so delicious.  However, some bubble headed dimbulb has dropped the ball and not kept a close eye on them.  We believe this threat is exacerbated by the space program and the plans to launch more manned space probes to outer planets and even other solar systems.  We need to keep our feet on the ground and deal with our problems here on Earth.  Sweet, sweet Earth.”

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Written by Joshua Sinistar

May 10, 2018 at 3:25 am

Posted in Uncategorized

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